• Facebook
  • Twitter
  • LinkedIn
  • Youtube
  • Instagram
  • 0Shopping Cart
Renee Trudeau
  • About
  • Speaking
  • Blog
  • Events
  • Self Renewal Groups
  • Books & Audio
  • Contact
  • Menu Menu

What self-care is NOT

Self-Care
babyrenee

Keeping this picture of baby Renee (4) taped to my bathroom mirror reminds me to be gentle with my 49 year-old self.

I was lying in bed Sunday morning reading from author Anne Lamott’s beautiful little book Small Victories. In one of her stories about parenting, she shares with a little self-deprecation, but mostly tenderness, how she doesn’t bake for PTA fund raisers, is often disorganized and sometimes forgets to follow-through on updates from her son’s school. Her ability to accept who she is is both endearing and freeing.

Her story got me thinking how so many people I meet have a misguided sense about the concept of self-care. I often hear a lot of “shoulds,” and many confess they downright suck at self-care.

A a life balance coach, I have studied, researched, explored and taught self-care to men/women for more than 15 years and I can wholeheartedly share that self-care–a practice that has changed my life more than any other–is NOT about:
-fixing yourself or turning yourself into a self-improvement project
-trying to become a better person who “has it all together” or who keeps their New Year’s resolutions
-being perfect or doing what our parents, friends or the media say we should do to be our best (take up yoga, go gluten free, keep a clean house or grow our own vegetables, etc.)
-striving to be more worthy through accomplishing more or adhering to society’s list of “shoulds” around parenting, relationships or (fill in the blank)
-spending a bunch of money on services or products that are supposed to make us better: more fit, beautiful, smart, etc.

Self-care isn’t a goal you strive for. And it’s not about becoming YOU Version 2.0. It’s about meeting yourself where you are with a soft and open heart. It’s believing “my ordinary self is enough,” (thank you Carol).  It’s feeling safe enough to show up in the world 100% you and inherently giving others permission to do the same. Self-care is about attuning and responding to your needs and desires moment to moment. It’s about forgiving yourself when you make a mistake, being compassionate with yourself when you bump up against your faults and treating yourself with the same love and tenderness you would have for a four year-old who’s had a really hard day. It’s not about adding something to your to-do list, cracking the whip, or finally getting in shape. The true art of self-renewal is about cultivating a kinder, gentler relationship with yourself and asking for the nurturing and nourishment you truly need-whether that’s a hug or a kale smoothie.  It’s knowing that YOU have your back. And that no matter what you say, do or flub-you will not abandon yourself.

TAKE ACTION: This week notice how you treat and talk to yourself? How would you describe the relationship? Do you sound like a drill sergeant or a wise and trusted mentor (read about connecting with your Wise Self)? Read more about the life-transformation that can come from practicing self-care here and join me for an upcoming self-renewal event where you’ll learn the art and science of self-care: April 24th New Way of Being One-Day Self-Renewal Retreat, April 3-May 8th Embracing the Wild Unknown Women’s Group or our spring Permission Granted: The Art of Self-Renewal telecourse. View all events here.

Subscribe here to Live Inside Out, a weekly blog written by life balance teacher and Career Strategists president, Renée Peterson Trudeau. Her work has appeared in The New York Times, Good Housekeeping and more. Thousands of women in ten countries are becoming RTA-Certified Facilitators and leading/joining Personal Renewal Groups based on her award-winning curriculum.  She is the author of The Mother’s Guide to Self-Renewal and Nurturing the Soul of Your Family: 10 Ways to Reconnect and Find Peace in Everyday Life. She lives in Austin, Texas, with her husband and 12 year-old son. More on her background here.

February 23, 2015/by renee
Tags: anne lamott, self-renewal retreat, women's retreats
Share this entry
  • Share on Facebook
  • Share on Twitter
  • Share on Pinterest
  • Share on LinkedIn
  • Share by Mail
https://reneetrudeau.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/babyrenee-e1424731318286.jpg 255 340 renee https://reneetrudeau.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/renee_trudeau_logo_tagline.png renee2015-02-23 22:52:002015-02-24 03:22:54What self-care is NOT

Subscribe to my blog

 

 

Archives

Categories

Popular Blog Posts

Self-Care 101: Three Ways to Begin

This Is The Time to Take a Retreat (Here’s How)

6 Things to Do When The Going Gets Tough

Self-care is Not About Improving Yourself

Connection = Medicine. Are You Getting Your Daily Dose?

Pause. Are You Honoring Your Journey?

Feeling Out of Sorts? Start with Self-Compassion

Are You Nurturing Your Friendships (+Why You Should)?

Sign up and receive my meditation on How To Start Your Day Intentionally.

My inspiring Tuesday emails provide timely life balance tools to help you soar through your week, plus receive pre-invites to our sell-out events.

Sign up and receive my meditation on How To Start Your Day Intentionally.

My inspiring Tuesday emails provide timely life balance tools to help you soar through your week, plus receive pre-invites to our sell-out events.

Get In Touch

info@reneetrudeau.com

512-459-6700

Popular Blog Posts

Self-Care 101: Three Ways to Begin

This Is The Time to Take a Retreat (Here’s How)

6 Things to Do When The Going Gets Tough

Self-care is Not About Improving Yourself

Connection = Medicine. Are You Getting Your Daily Dose?

Pause. Are You Honoring Your Journey?

Feeling Out of Sorts? Start with Self-Compassion

Are You Nurturing Your Friendships (+Why You Should)?

Upcoming Events

March 1-31st ~ Wild Souls Nature Adventures (Blue Ridge Mountains, NC). New experiences are posted each week; keep checking back! Learn more.

April 14-16 ~ Awakening Your Wild Soul: A Women’s Self-Renewal Retreat at Kripalu Center for Yoga & Health (Berkshire Mountains, MA). Learn more/register.

May 2023 ~ FREE Self-Care Global Summit with Renee and other self-care authors, teachers, coaches, and experts in relationships, spirituality, health & wellness and more. Registration coming soon.

May – June ~ Spring 2023 Women’s Self-Renewal Group  Small group/in person. Brevard, NC. Email us at info at reneetrudeau dot com to receive an invitation.

October 13-15th ~ Awakening Your Wild Soul: A Women’s Self-Renewal Retreat at Kripalu Center for Yoga & Health (Berkshire Mountains, MA). Registration coming soon!

© 2023 Renée Trudeau. Privacy Policy + Terms of Use
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • LinkedIn
  • Youtube
  • Instagram
  • About
  • Speaking
  • Blog
  • Events
  • Self Renewal Groups
  • Books & Audio
  • Contact
  • Facilitator Login
  • My Account
Scroll to top

This site uses cookies. By continuing to browse the site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies.

OKLearn more

Cookie and Privacy Settings



How we use cookies

We may request cookies to be set on your device. We use cookies to let us know when you visit our websites, how you interact with us, to enrich your user experience, and to customize your relationship with our website.

Click on the different category headings to find out more. You can also change some of your preferences. Note that blocking some types of cookies may impact your experience on our websites and the services we are able to offer.

Essential Website Cookies

These cookies are strictly necessary to provide you with services available through our website and to use some of its features.

Because these cookies are strictly necessary to deliver the website, refusing them will have impact how our site functions. You always can block or delete cookies by changing your browser settings and force blocking all cookies on this website. But this will always prompt you to accept/refuse cookies when revisiting our site.

We fully respect if you want to refuse cookies but to avoid asking you again and again kindly allow us to store a cookie for that. You are free to opt out any time or opt in for other cookies to get a better experience. If you refuse cookies we will remove all set cookies in our domain.

We provide you with a list of stored cookies on your computer in our domain so you can check what we stored. Due to security reasons we are not able to show or modify cookies from other domains. You can check these in your browser security settings.

Google Analytics Cookies

These cookies collect information that is used either in aggregate form to help us understand how our website is being used or how effective our marketing campaigns are, or to help us customize our website and application for you in order to enhance your experience.

If you do not want that we track your visit to our site you can disable tracking in your browser here:

Other external services

We also use different external services like Google Webfonts, Google Maps, and external Video providers. Since these providers may collect personal data like your IP address we allow you to block them here. Please be aware that this might heavily reduce the functionality and appearance of our site. Changes will take effect once you reload the page.

Google Webfont Settings:

Google Map Settings:

Google reCaptcha Settings:

Vimeo and Youtube video embeds:

Other cookies

The following cookies are also needed - You can choose if you want to allow them:

Privacy Policy

You can read about our cookies and privacy settings in detail on our Privacy Policy Page.

Privacy Policy
Accept settingsHide notification only