Considering Therapy? Read This First.

Many people are having big ah-ha’s and flashes of clarity after the roller coaster we’ve been riding over the last year. Others are navigating depression and feeling called to healing work and exploring new ways of being. During the last few weeks, I’ve received at least ten calls from friends and clients asking for referrals for great therapists.

Whenever these requests come in, I encourage my friends to slow down, step back and approach this process intentionally. Take your time to get this right; you’re going to be sharing your innermost thoughts and feelings with this person.

I’m a big fan of psychotherapy as one of many healing modalities. I wouldn’t be where I am today without the great Health Realization, Imago, Internal Family Systems and Voice Dialogue therapy and coaching I received in my 20s and 30s. But not all psychotherapists are equal. Take the time to carefully vet and choose a therapist who can honor who you are, see your innate goodness and challenge you in a way that supports your highest growth. Above all, trust your gut. And, ask your wise friends for recommendations, too.

Here are the questions I ask my friends as they begin looking at various options for supporting their mental/emotional health:

• Does this person need to be on your insurance plan or can you pay out of pocket (I highly recommend you stay open here—many amazing folks are not on insurance plans)? On a tight budget? I have not tried it, but have clients who have appreciated the affordable support they have received through BetterHelp. Also, make sure to research any Employee Assistance Programs (EAPs) your employer may offer; ask your company’s human resources department about this. And, many communities offer free mental health support/resources (ask your local United Way).
• Why are you seeing a therapist and what do you hope to accomplish? Another close follow-up to this is: do I need a therapist or do I need a coach? This is a tough one as the lines are often blurred (and many folks offer both). It’s best to ask the therapist (or coach) you’re interviewing to describe how they view the differences. For most, this will provide the clarity you need to make a decision. You can search/learn more about therapists in your area on Psychology Today and learn more about coaching through the International Coaches Federation. 
• Is it important for you to see someone who honors/incorporates your religious or spiritual beliefs (this is key for many)? What else is important to you in a therapist (ex: a sense of humor, a compassionate approach, etc.)?
• Do you want to see someone who integrates somatic techniques (“body-based” practices) such as somatic experiencing (learn more), adult attachment work, mindfulness, breathwork, body sensing, yoga/talk therapy, etc.? I love somatic-based work and believe, “the issues are in the tissues.” My greatest healing—by far—has come from somatic-based therapeutic work. Take time to examine the therapist’s background/training and areas of specialty and check out the highly popular book,“The Body Keeps the Score” by Bessel van der Kolk.
• Schedule a short call with the potential therapist before you set up an appointment. I like to ask: What is your philosophy or approach to therapy? Who or what influences your work (other teachers, models, methods, books, etc. )? And, What do you think is the purpose of therapy? I think this is key as I believe therapy is not about “fixing” someone, but helping them come into greater awareness and ultimately, the highest expression of themselves.

When looking for referrals, ask friends you trust who have similar values for recommendations. Seek out mental health professionals that have direct, specific experience in the area you want to focus on (ex: ADHD, addiction, parenting). Stay open to telehealth—it can be highly effective. Don’t be afraid to schedule an initial session or two and then “sit with” the experience for a while to reflect on whether you’ve found a fit (trust your intuition—how did you feel when you left the appointment?). Be direct and share what works and doesn’t work for you with your therapist. Ask them for their vision or plan for working together (duration, expectations, etc.). Lastly, be gentle with yourself and give yourself kudos for taking this courageous step. It’s easier to keep doing what you’re doing rather than exploring all parts of yourself (read my post on dancing with your shadow).

I feel honored that so many physicians, coaches and mental health professionals come to my retreats and are part of our community. There are many amazing counselors out there doing powerful work. Getting support can be one of the most transformative experiences of your life. Dedicating time, energy and resources to your mental/emotional/spiritual health should be as important as taking in clean air and water.

If our outer world is a reflection of our inner world, doesn’t it make sense to take time to invest in emotional self-care?

Warmly,

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