Holding it Together is Overrated

As you look at the upcoming holiday stretch, are you feeling a little short of breath? Or are you taking it day by day, perhaps even allowing December to unfold as it will?

I’m the oldest of seven, the product of overachiever parents, and am often perceived as a hyper-competent “woman who always has the answers and knows where she’s going.” Historically, my friends and family have seen me as the go-to girl who always has it together–no matter what month it is.

But over the past few years, I’ve been questioning how this perception affects me. What is the price I pay for playing into this personae? Yes, I’ve come a long way. I’ve let go of a lot of perfectionism, I’m much less controlling and I’m a big advocate for practicing “good is good enough.” But what would it look like for me to be MORE vulnerable? To be less prepared and more messy and human than I’ve ever been before?

It takes a lot of energy to hold it together. My yoga teacher Jenn once shared a story about a visual artist who photographed Salvador Dali over a stretch of five minutes (with time-lapsed breaks in between). Seeing Dali go back and forth between “DALI!” and a tired, slightly slumped over normal guy in a chair, was fascinating. It showed how much it took for the artist to be on stage, in personae–to “hold it together.”

Right now, two of my close friends are going through hard times (one may lose her house, the other is navigating a complicated divorce). We’ve been sharing about how essential it is for them–for all of us– to allow ourselves to come undone, feel our feelings, turn into puddles, ask for help and be vulnerable–in order to evolve into who we’re meant to be.

Brene Brown, author of The Gifts of Imperfection says, “What fuels this unattainable need to look like we always have it all together? At first glance we might think it’s because we admire perfection, but that’s not the case. We are actually the most attracted to people we consider to be authentic and down-to-earth. We love people who are ‘real’ – we’re drawn to those who both embrace their imperfections and radiate self-acceptance.”

We are not self-improvement projects. We’re messy, complex, beautiful, wild, always-evolving humans.

I am much more interested in the second half of life in who I want to BE, than what I want to DO–and in showing up 100% ME. What most calls to me in the decade to come is to be even more vulnerable, to make more mistakes, to put myself out there as unfinished, a work in progress, maybe even clueless. And to hopefully inspire others to consider doing the same.

Warmly,

I’D LOVE TO SUPPORT YOU! NEW/UPCOMING OPPORTUNITIES FOR SELF-RENEWAL:

• *NEW* Jan. 30-Feb. 1st ~ Tending & Befriending Your Beautiful Self: A Women’s Self-Renewal Retreat at Kripalu Center for Yoga & Health (Berkshire Mountains, Western MA- photo above). Packages start at just $700 for this deep rest restorative retreat; register here!  
• *NEW* March 20-22nd for Awakening Your Wild Soul: Women’s Self-Renewal Retreat at 1440 Multiversity in the CA redwoods (image above) ~ an embodied spirituality retreat filled with joyful song, pleasureful movement and deep nature immersions with 1,000 year-old trees; learn more/ register.
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• Live in the Southeast or near North Carolina? Join me in the NC Blue Ridge Mountains for a Wild Souls Adventure: authentic movement classes, community song circles, full moon hikes, meditation/resiliency workshops, women’s circles & more. Have me design a custom experience/ritual for your team/friends: learn more. Dec. 7th ~next Wild Souls Authentic Movement class; learn more here. 

Subscribe here to Live Inside Out, a weekly blog written by mindfulness coach/author/speaker and self-care evangelist Renée Peterson Trudeau. Passionate about helping men and women live more intentionally and find balance through the art/science of self-care, Renee has been facilitating high-impact, interactive workshops for Fortune 500 companies, national nonprofits/conferences and organizations/teams worldwide for 25 years. Her work has appeared in The New York Times, Fast Company, Good Housekeeping, US News & World Report, AARP, Spirituality & Health and more. She and her team have certified more than 450 facilitators in 10 countries around the globe to lead self-renewal groups/retreats based on her pioneering self-care curriculum. She’s the author of two books on life balance including the award-winning The Mother’s Guide to Self-Renewal: How to Reclaim, Rejuvenate and Re-Balance Your Life. Renee and her husband live in Western North Carolina and they have one son in New York City. Her latest venture is Wild Souls Nature Adventures. More on Renee here.