We Gotta Feel It to Heal It

How comfortable are you “feeling uncomfortable feelings?” During my 20’s and 30’s, I experienced my parent’s divorce, my brother’s suicide and the death of my mother and father. All of the pain, sadness, betrayal, anger and abandonment these losses brought up for me left me with a deep desire to stuff, ignore or run from strong emotions (and intimate relationships). Understandably, I was afraid that if I truly allowed myself to stay with my feelings, I’d surely be swallowed by them. Until I learned that the opposite is true: we have to “feel it, to heal it.”

As a transformational author/coach/speaker who guides adults on how to experience more balance in everyday life, a big piece of my work has been learning how to be with strong or uncomfortable feelings and to not intellectualize or “positive thought” these away. I often tell my intense, passionate 21 year-old son that feelings are like the weather in Texas—constantly shifting and changing like storm clouds overhead. In fact, on average, meditation teacher Tara Brach says, a strong feeling only lasts about 90 seconds if you fully let it in. Feelings are just energy moving through our system. They come, they go.

My brother Kert, a soulful management consultant in Canada, has been my biggest teacher around this theme. He constantly encourages me to allow uncomfortable feelings to come knocking, to invite them in for tea and ask them what they’re here to share.

Does hearing this make you think you’d rather go to the dentist for a root canal than embrace that which you most fear? I think most people have this reaction.

I’ve found, over time, that the more we’re able to just be with what we’re feeling, the more we’re able to heal from old wounds. And, when we feel our feelings, we become more open and accessible to our loved ones, we’re more connected to our passions and desires, we become comfortable voicing our needs and drawing clear boundaries, we begin to harvest the gifts that come from living with the light and the dark and contrary to what we might think—we actually begin to feel more alive and less fearful.

And we begin to have breakthroughs that were never possible before.

Having tea with these unexpected visitors (as the 13th-century poet Rumi calls them in his poem, The Guest House) actually allows us to experience more freedom, levity and ease. When we learn to fully feel what we’re feeling, we can go with the flow of life. We become more trusting and believe we can handle whatever comes our way.

Dear feelings: the welcome mat is out. The kettle is on. I’m listening.

WANT TO MAKE YOUR SELF-CARE A PRIORITY?  HERE ARE THREE OPPORTUNITIES! 

• April 26-28th ~ Awakening Your Wild Soul: A Women’s Self-Care Retreat at Kripalu Center for Yoga & Health (pictured above) ~ Join me for a spring re-set: replenishing rest, divine natural foods cuisine, healing bodywork, restorative yoga and more. Awakening Your Wild Soul: A Women’s Self-Care Retreat at Kripalu Center for Yoga & Health (Berkshire Mountains, MA) will help you revere your energy and learn how to direct it to what matters most. Packages start at just $635 for this empowering and deeply supportive weekend. Learn more/register.
• *Available for a limited time* ~ Still, Dark & Quiet: A Deep Rest Virtual Retreat ~ It’s still winter until March 21st,  a time for reflection/gestation. You’re invited to slow down, go inward and relax in silence. Enjoy this 2.5-hour meditative virtual retreat 24/7 from the comfort of your home. Includes a long Yoga Nidra session. Learn more/download today. Only $49
• Wild Souls Nature Adventures (based in the Blue Ridge Mountains of Western NC): authentic movement classes, community song circles, full moon hikes, meditation workshops, women’s circles & more. New offerings are listed each week; have me design a custom experience for your team/friends. Join us Sunday, Feb. 25th from 9:30-11 a.m. for Wild Souls Authentic Movement class near Asheville, NC. No experience needed, come as you are. Learn more.

Subscribe here to Live Inside Out, a weekly blog written by mindfulness coach/author/speaker and self-care evangelist Renée Peterson Trudeau. Passionate about helping men and women find balance through the art/science of self-care, Renee has been facilitating high-impact, interactive workshops for Fortune 500 companies, national nonprofits/conferences and organizations/teams worldwide for 25 years. Her work has appeared in The New York Times, Fast Company, Good Housekeeping, US News & World Report, AARP, Spirituality & Health and more. She and her team have certified more than 450 facilitators in 10 countries around the globe to lead self-renewal groups/retreats based on her pioneering self-care curriculum. She’s the author of two books on life balance including the award-winning The Mother’s Guide to Self-Renewal: How to Reclaim, Rejuvenate and Re-Balance Your Life. She and her husband live in Western North Carolina; her latest venture is Wild Souls Nature Adventures. More on Renee here.