Sisterhood: How Do You Affirm Women?

I once spoke at a girls empowerment conference to a group of 300 ten to thirteen-year-olds. As I was waiting to go on stage, I overheard a small group of four young girls talking about their day. One of them was on fire after learning about civil engineering, and she was inspired to share her career dreams with the others. I could see her face quickly shift from a state of open excitement and joy to one of embarrassment and withdrawal as the other girls subtly expressed their discomfort at seeing their young friend so clearly own and express her personal power. And, just yesterday a successful author and dear friend poured out her heart to me, sharing through tears how a long-time mentor was suddenly threatened by her success and was now “shutting her out,” and challenging her very right  to be seen and heard.

At Kripalu Center for Yoga & Health this past weekend leading a women’s retreat with dear friends/teaching assistants Valerie and Nicole. Join us back here April 14-16 or Oct. 13-15.

This is so not ok. Not on any level. Not ever. And it needs to end once and for all.

Growing up, I don’t specifically recall being around women who modeled true “sisterhood” for me. But, when I was in my late twenties, I took a communications/leadership course with a woman who ended up being a life-long mentor to me. She modeled some beautiful ways to “be,” but most importantly she challenged me to stop playing small and she held an oceanic space for me to blossom into the fullest expression of who I am. Slowly, over the years, I learned to do this. Not alone, but with many incredible women by my side.

Today, as a wife, mother, leader, business owner, mentor and community activist, moving in the world with the support of my sisters, is the only way I know how to be.

What does sisterhood mean to me?  It’s a way of being with other women—both young and old— where I:

• Hold the highest and best for them and see them as their “future selves”—especially when they’re going through a rough time
• Encourage vulnerability and authenticity in our relationship and communication; I’m a “get real or go home,” kind of woman!
• Practice forgiveness (with myself) and have the humility and courage to initiate tough, but necessary conversations when appropriate
• Encourage my sisters to “come as you are,” and show up in our relationship warts and all!
• Derive joy and exhilaration from sharing my sisters’ wisdom/gifts with others and delight in seeing them shine big and bright
• State my needs AND ask them on a regular basis, “How can I support you?” and really mean it!
• Freely share my successes and don’t feel I need to shrink or dim my presence when I’m with them
• Enjoy reciprocity—giving and receiving in equal measure and serving my sisters in a way that “feeds me rather than drains me”
• Invite in a level of intimacy—with a chosen few—that allows me to share the deepest parts of myself
• Am willing to lovingly acknowledge what’s not being said or seen—even at the cost of having someone not like me
• See their innate worthiness and remind them that “their ordinary self is enough.” (Thanks Carol Orsborn.)

One fall I led a week-long self-renewal retreat for women at the Omega Institute in upstate New York and heard–as I always do at our retreats–“I was so amazed at how comfortable I felt in this group; how quickly we dropped into real, heartfelt conversation; how healing it was to have dialogue with such depth and how powerful it was to be with other women and to feel so supported.” I also heard, “I have never experienced anything like this; I didn’t even know being with other women in this way was possible!”

I took these powerful words to heart. For many, this IS a new way of being with other women. It’s a courageous path that requires us to practice extreme self care AND fully show up willing to be both seen and heard.

On the last day of that retreat, a fellow retreat leader who had been on campus all week, commented to me how brave I was to have invited other amazing guest teachers to share the spotlight with me (thank you to my dear friends Deb Kern and Deb Roth for sharing your gifts). I looked at her with wonder, not fully understanding what she meant. Then, as her words sank in, I responded, “It was MY joy. When I help my sisters shine, we all shine.”

Shine on sisters. Shine on.

An Exercise ~ Sisterhood: Your Journey (grab a notebook/pen, a mug of tea and reflect on the following):
-What does sisterhood mean to me? Who in my life models this for me?
-Do I have women in my life that provide a soft place to fall and allow me to show up “warts and all?”
-What would it feel like to interact with other women in a more vulnerable, authentic way?
-What do I perceive as barriers to experiencing a deeper sisterhood in my own life?

HOW CAN I SUPPORT YOU? HERE ARE THREE OPPORTUNITIES FOR FINDING MORE FLOW:

• April 14-16 & Oct. 13-15 ~ Awakening Your Wild Soul: Women’s Self-Renewal Retreat at Kripalu Center for Yoga & Health, my favorite retreat center (this deeply replenishing, meditative winter retreat always sells out). Learn more.
• *NEW* Live in Western NC? ~ Sovereignty: Women’s Mastermind Groups (in-person) for women leaders, teachers, healers, creatives and small business owners. Thursday evenings. Brevard, NC.  One spot left! Email info at reneetrudeau dot com to see if there is room in the spring group and to learn of future groups.  Learn more.
• **Last Chance to Download!** Still, Dark & Quiet: A Deep Rest Winter Retreat (virtual). A delicious winter retreat to download through 1/31 and enjoy 24/7 from your home.  Enjoy Yoga Nidra deep relaxation, poetry, song & stillness: the ideal personal retreat; only $49. Learn more/register.
• Wild Souls Nature Adventures (based in the Blue Ridge Mountains of Western NC): authentic movement classes, community song circles, full moon hikes, meditation workshops, women’s circles and more.  New offerings are listed each week; have me design a custom experience for your team or friends.  Learn more.