You Are Not a Problem to Be Fixed

I just finished leading a retreat at Kripalu (join me here Feb. 5-7 for a deep rest winter retreat) and I watched the women in the circle, ages 21 to 75,  awaken and blossom as they opened to the realization that we are not self-improvement projects.  Self-care –the art of attuning and responding to our needs and desires–is a moment to moment experience.  Our innate goodness and worthiness is enough to compel us to move our self-care to the top of our list. Not because we worked our tails off to deserve this care, but because we’re innately worthy of attunement and nourishment.  

Many people I meet have a misguided sense about the concept of self-care. I often hear a lot of “shoulds,” and many confess they downright suck at self-care.

A transformational coach/teacher, I have studied, explored, written books about and taught self-care to men and women globally for more than 25 years. I can wholeheartedly share that self-care– a practice that has changed my life more than any other– is NOT about:

-fixing yourself or turning yourself into a “makeover version” of you
-trying to become someone who “has it all together” or who’s always wise and calm
-being perfect or doing what our parents, friends or the media say we should do to be our best selves (ex: go gluten-free or do more yoga)
-striving to be more worthy through accomplishing more or adhering to society’s list of “shoulds” around parenting, relationships or (fill in the blank)
-spending a bunch of money on services or products that are supposed to make us more fit, beautiful, smart, etc.

Self-care isn’t about fixing yourself. It’s not about a goal you strive for. And it’s not about becoming YOU version 2.0. It’s about meeting yourself where you are with a soft and open heart. It’s believing “your ordinary self is enough.” It’s feeling safe enough to show up in the world 100% you and inherently giving others permission to do the same.

Self-care is about attuning and responding to your needs and desires moment to moment. It’s about being compassionate with yourself when you bump up against your faults and treating yourself with the same love and tenderness you would have for a four-year-old who’s had a really hard day. It’s not about adding something to your to-do list, cracking the whip, or finally getting in shape.

The true art of self-renewal is about cultivating a kinder, gentler relationship with yourself and asking for and receiving the nurturing and nourishment you truly need– whether that’s a hug or a shoulder to cry on. It’s knowing that YOU have your back. And that no matter what you say, do or flub– you will not abandon yourself.

TAKE ACTION: This week, notice how you treat and talk to yourself. How would you describe the relationship? Do you sound like a drill sergeant, a loving grandparent or a wise and trusted mentor? Share your observations with someone you trust. I’d love to support you in learning the art/science of self-care and cultivating a kinder/gentler relationship with yourself at an upcoming retreat or through one of my self-care virtual retreats (audio classes you can access 24/7). Let me know how I can support you in having a kinder, gentler relationship with yourself.

Warmly,

SEEKING SUPPORT FOR SELF-CARE & RESILIENCY? HERE ARE FOUR OPPORTUNITIES:

• Craving deep-to-the-bones rest this winter? Join me for two opportunities: Sunday, Dec. 20, 2–4:30 p.m. ET (live/on Zoom): Sinking Into Stillness: A Winter Solstice Retreat ; replay available. Or in-person Feb. 5–7, 2027 for Permission Granted: The Sacred Art of Self-Care, a deeply nourishing women’s spirituality retreat at Kripalu. Register here.
• *EARLY BIRD ENDS 10/31*  Sept. 23-29, 2027  Sing, Dance Pray: A Pilgrimage to Iona, Scotland with Renee.  Photo above. Only a few spots left. Learn more/register (early bird rate ends October 31st).
• Are you feeling called to facilitate women’s groups/retreats? Check out Secrets to Facilitating Life-Changing Women’s Groups/Retreats ~ an online, self-paced training & mentoring course. Only $195. Learn more/enroll here.
• Live in the Southeast or near North Carolina? Join me in the NC Blue Ridge Mountains for a Wild Souls Adventure: authentic movement classes, community song circles, full moon hikes, meditation/resiliency workshops, women’s circles & more or have me design a custom experience/ritual for your team/friends: learn more. Join us Sundays for Wild Souls Authentic Movement classes in Brevard, NC outside of Asheville; learn more here.  

Subscribe here to Live Inside Out, a weekly blog written by transformational coach/author/speaker and self-care evangelist Renée Peterson Trudeau. Passionate about helping men and women live more intentionally and find balance through the art/science of self-care, Renee has been facilitating high-impact, interactive workshops for Fortune 500 companies, national nonprofits/conferences and organizations/teams worldwide for 25 years. Her work has appeared in The New York Times, Fast Company, Good Housekeeping, US News & World Report, AARP, Spirituality & Health and more. She and her team have certified more than 450 facilitators in 10 countries around the globe to lead self-renewal groups/retreats based on her pioneering self-care curriculum. She’s the author of several books on life balance including the award-winning The Mother’s Guide to Self-Renewal: How to Reclaim, Rejuvenate and Re-Balance Your Life. Renee and her husband live in Western North Carolina and they have one son in New York City. Her latest venture is Wild Souls Nature Adventures. More on Renee here.