Reminder: You Are Not a Self-Improvement Project

One rainy, Sunday morning, I was lying in bed reading from author Anne Lamott’s beautiful little book Small Victories. In one of her stories about parenting, she shares with a little self-deprecation, but mostly tenderness, how she doesn’t bake for PTA fundraisers, is often disorganized and sometimes forgets to follow through on updates from her son’s school. Her ability to accept who she is is both endearing and freeing.

Her story got me thinking about how so many people I meet have a misguided sense about the concept of self-care. I often hear a lot of “shoulds,” and many confess they downright suck at self-care and don’t even attempt to make it a priority.

As a life balance coach/workshop facilitator, I have researched, practiced, studied, written books about and taught self-care to men and women globally for more than 25 years. I can wholeheartedly share that self-care—a practice that has changed my life more than any other—is NOT about:

-fixing yourself or turning yourself into a “makeover version” of you
-trying to become someone who “has it all together” or who’s always wise and calm
-being perfect or doing what our parents, friends or the media say we should do to be our best selves (ex: go gluten-free or do more yoga)
-striving to be more worthy through accomplishing more or adhering to society’s list of “shoulds” around parenting, relationships or (fill in the blank)
-spending a bunch of money on services or products that are supposed to make us more fit, beautiful, smart, etc.

Self-care isn’t about self-improvement. It’s not about a goal you strive for or becoming YOU version 2.0. It’s not about adding something to your to-do list, cracking the whip, or finally getting in shape. It’s about meeting yourself where you are with a soft and open heart. It’s believing “your ordinary self is enough.” It’s feeling safe enough to show up in the world 100% you and inherently giving others permission to do the same.

Self-care is the practice of pausing to ask, “What do I need?” and attuning and responding to your needs and desires moment to moment. It’s about being compassionate with yourself when you bump up against your faults and treating yourself with the same love and tenderness you would have for a four-year-old who’s had a really hard day. The true art of self-renewal is about cultivating a kinder, gentler relationship with yourself and asking for and receiving the nurturing and nourishment you truly need–whether that’s a hug or a shoulder to cry on.

Ultimately, it’s knowing that YOU have your own back. And that no matter what you say, do or flub—you will not abandon yourself. (read my self-care holiday tips here). Enjoy this month; I hope you are kind to your people … and to yourself. 

TAKE ACTION: This week, notice how you treat and talk to yourself. How would you describe the relationship? Do you sound like a drill sergeant, a loving grandparent or a wise and trusted mentor? Share your observations with someone you trust. I’d love to support you in learning the art/science of self-care and cultivating a kinder/gentler relationship with yourself at an upcoming in-person retreat or through downloading one of my virtual self-care retreats (join me 12/21 live on the Winter Solstice for SOLACE: A Winter Solstice Deep Rest Virtual Retreat). Let me know how I can help, I’m here for you.

Warmly,

SEEKING SUPPORT FOR PRIORITIZING YOUR SELF-CARE? HERE ARE FIVE OPPORTUNITIES:

• December 21st ~ *Live/On Zoom* SOLACE: A Winter Solstice Deep Rest Retreat ~  3:00 – 5:30 p.m. ET, a 2.5 hour live, virtual retreat Winter Solstice experience with Renee and soulful women from across the US (includes meditation, poetry, Yoga Nidra, song and sisterhood). Early bird: $79 or for a limited time, bring-a friend for $138. This will be recorded if you can’t make it to the live event. Learn more/register.
• *NEW* Secrets to Facilitating Life-Changing Women’s Groups/Retreats in Uncertain Times ~ an online, self-paced training course. Would you like to empower women in your area in 2025 through facilitating women’s groups/retreats? Based on Renee’s 30+ years experience training 450+ facilitators and teaching at world-renowned retreat centers like Kripalu Center for Yoga & Health, this supportive, empowering on-demand video course offers everything you need to start facilitating women’s circles and retreats. Only $195. Learn more.
• Schedule me to speak in 2025-26. Did you know my primary work is speaking professionally at national/regional conferences, employee events and to companies/organizations worldwide? I love weaving neuroscience, life balance strategies, mindfulness & resiliency practices to create unforgettable workshops & presentations that help people feel more creative, focused, resourced and alive. Learn more about my speaking here.
• Wild Souls Nature Adventures (based in the Blue Ridge Mountains of Western NC): authentic movement classes, community song circles, full moon hikes, meditation/resiliency workshops, women’s circles & more. Have me design a custom experience for your team/friends. Join us Sunday, Dec. 8th, 15th and 22nd for our last 2024 Wild Souls Authentic Movement Classes near Asheville, NC.  Learn more.
• *SAVE THE DATE, INVITE YOUR FRIENDS*  April 25, 2025 ~ The North Carolina Conference for Women ~ 9 a.m.- 5 p.m. Lake Logan Conference Center, Canton, NC. Registration opens January 1st; learn more.

Subscribe here to Live Inside Out, a weekly blog written by mindfulness coach/author/speaker and self-care evangelist Renée Peterson Trudeau. Passionate about helping men and women find balance through the art/science of self-care, Renee has been facilitating high-impact, interactive workshops for Fortune 500 companies, national nonprofits/conferences and organizations/teams worldwide for 25 years. Her work has appeared in The New York Times, Fast Company, Good Housekeeping, US News & World Report, AARP, Spirituality & Health and more. She and her team have certified more than 450 facilitators in 10 countries around the globe to lead self-renewal groups/retreats based on her pioneering self-care curriculum. She’s the author of two books on life balance including the award-winning The Mother’s Guide to Self-Renewal: How to Reclaim, Rejuvenate and Re-Balance Your Life. Renee and her husband live in Western North Carolina and they have one son in New York City. Her latest venture is Wild Souls Nature Adventures. More on Renee here.