Sisterhood: Nine Ways to Affirm Women

A few years ago I spoke at a statewide girls empowerment conference to a group of 300 ten to thirteen-year-olds. As I was waiting to go on stage, I overheard a small group of girls talking about their day. One of them was on fire after learning about civil engineering and she was inspired to share her burgeoning career dreams with the others. But then I saw her face quickly shift from a state of open excitement and joy, to one of embarrassment and withdrawal as her friends subtly expressed their discomfort at seeing their young friend so clearly express her personal power.

This is not OK. Not on any level. And it needs to end once and for all.

Growing up, I don’t specifically recall being around women who modeled true “sisterhood” for me. But, when I was in my late twenties, I took a leadership course with a woman who ended up being a life-long mentor to me. She modeled some beautiful ways to “be,” but most importantly, she challenged me to stop playing small and held a huge space for me to blossom into the fullest expression of who I am. Slowly, over the years, I learned to do this. Not alone, but with many incredible women by my side.

Today, as a wife, mother, leader, business owner, mentor and community activist, moving in the world with the support of my sisters is the only way I know how to be. What does sisterhood mean to me? It’s a way of being with other women—both young and old—where I:

• Hold the highest and best for them and see them as their “future selves”—especially when they’re going through a rough time.
• Encourage vulnerability and authenticity in our communication; invite my sisters to “come as you are.”
• Practice self-forgiveness and have the humility and courage to initiate tough, but necessary conversations; and, lovingly acknowledge what’s not being said or seen—even at the cost of having someone not like me.
• Derive joy and exhilaration from sharing my sisters’ wisdom and gifts with others and delight in seeing them shine big and bright!
• State my needs and ask them on a regular basis, “How can I support you?” and really mean it!
• Freely share my successes and don’t feel I need to shrink or dim my presence when I’m with others.
• Enjoy reciprocity—giving and receiving—and serving my sisters in a way that “feeds me rather than drains me.”
• Encourage emotional intimacy—with a chosen few—and model what it looks like to show up “warts and all.”
• Honor my sisters’ innate worthiness and remind them that “their ordinary self is enough.”

One fall I led a week-long self-renewal retreat for women at the Omega Institute in upstate New York and heard—as I often do at our retreats—“I was so amazed at how comfortable I felt in this group; how quickly we dropped into authentic, heartfelt conversation; how healing it was to have dialogue with such depth; and how powerful it was to be with other women and to feel so supported.” I also heard, “I have never experienced anything like this; I didn’t even know being with other women in this way was possible!”

I took these powerful words to heart. For many, this is a new way of being with other women. It’s a courageous path that requires us to practice extreme self-care and fully show up willing to be both seen and heard.

On the last day of that retreat, a fellow retreat leader who had been on campus all week, commented to me how brave I was to have invited other two amazing guest teachers to share the spotlight with me during the week. I looked at her with wonder, not fully understanding what she meant. Then, as her words sank in, I responded, “Oh, it was my joy. When I help my sisters shine, we all shine.” Shine on sisters. Shine on.

An Exercise ~ Sisterhood: Your Journey (grab a notebook/pen, a cup of tea and reflect on the following):
-What does sisterhood mean to me? Who in my life models this for me?
-Do I have women in my life that provide a soft place to fall and allow me to show up “warts and all?”
-What would it feel like to interact with other women in a more vulnerable, authentic way?
-What do I perceive as barriers to experiencing a deeper sense of sisterhood in my own life?

Warmly,