Struggling? Start with Self-Compassion

Last week I was swimming in overwhelm. Occasionally, we all go there. Particularly when we’re navigating too many transitions or challenges at once (i.e. moving/relocating, career/job changes, natural disasters, health challenges, shifts in our financial state, parenting or caregiving issues, etc.). Our brain shuts down from attempting to process more than it can handle.

I woke up feeling “too-muchness.” My heart was racing and my chest felt tight. Seeking perspective, I inhaled deeply, I exhaled … and I paused. I headed to my morning forest-based workout and touched the tree bark, watched the clouds float across the bright blue sky and I smelled the fresh pine. I reminded myself of all the life transitions I’m navigating and decided it was time to make myself a giant “self-compassion” peach smoothie. With a big dollop of gentleness. 

One time when I was leading a retreat at Kripalu Center for Yoga & Health in the Berkshire Mountains of MA (join me here for our almost sold-out Oct 25-27th for a women’s self-renewal retreat). During our conversation on self-care, a mother from Amsterdam shared with our circle of women that her three-year-old daughter calls herself “little sweetie.” The mom remarked, “I often hear my daughter roaming around the house saying … it’s ok little sweetie, you’re tired, you need a nap … it’s ok, little sweetie, you’re hungry and need some strawberries.” Or to her mom, “Little sweetie is sad, she needs a hug.” The only way this young girl knew to treat herself was with loving-kindness; she hadn’t been taught there was any reason to act otherwise. (She inspired the rest of us to refer to ourselves as “little sweetie” for the duration of the retreat!)

I wonder what our culture might be like if we taught self-compassion as a sought-after skill to be developed and honed–as equally valued as hard work and perseverance? Can you imagine hearing teachers and other influential mentors regularly remind their students and peers, “Be gentle with yourself.”

Wondering where to begin? Here are four ideas that have helped me cultivate self-compassion:

1. Find and post a picture of yourself between the ages three to five and see how this image shifts your perspective and ability to be easier on yourself; you’re still that same little person! (Taken by my dad, the photo above is Renee at age four. )
2. Take a 30,000-foot view and find perspective. We’re all juggling so much: fallout from natural disasters, health challenges, career changes, parenting woes, divorces, so many big life changes—give yourself a break. You have a lot going on and are doing the best you can. Sometimes we lose sight of how much we’re navigating.
3. Reach out for support: have a heart-to-heart with a dear friend who holds the highest and best for you. A kind conversation can help us loosen our hold on what’s “right or wrong” and help us see things with softer, gentler eyes.
4. Practice modeling this for your family members, friends and coworkers: if you’re a parent, instilling in your children the value of being kind to themselves supports them in lowering stress levels, developing strong self-esteem and heightening resiliency. Let them hear, “I had a challenging day, I’m doing the best I can.” The same goes for coworkers.

Often when I’m being hard on myself, I will take a long, slow deep breath, place my hands over the center of my chest and invite in self-compassion. When I can remember to soften and open my heart—and be gentle with myself—it helps me see others in a whole new light.  Greater compassion for others starts with greater compassion for myself.

Warmly,

I’D LOVE TO SUPPORT YOU! NEW/UPCOMING OPPORTUNITIES FOR SELF-RENEWAL:

• ONLY TWO SPOTS LEFT! October 25 – 27th ~ Soul Tending: Cultivating Grace, Power and Intuition ~ A Women’s Self-Renewal Retreat at Kripalu Center for Yoga & Health (Berkshire Mountains, Western MA).  From stillness comes discernment. Your soul is calling, are you listening? Join me for connection, replenishing rest, divine natural foods cuisine, song/movement, restorative yoga and more. Packages start at just $635 for this soul-nurturing weekend. Learn more and register.
• Secrets to Facilitating Life-Changing Women’s Groups/Retreats in Uncertain Times ~ the training course. Are you passionate about empowering other women in your area? Would you love to lead women’s groups/retreats this fall?  Connection = medicine. Created by Renee, this beautiful, self-paced video course–based on our wildly popular, now-retired 18-year-old Facilitator Training Program–offers everything you need to start facilitating women’s circles/retreats. Download today; available 24/7. Only $195 for a limited time. Learn more.
• December 21st ~ Solace: A Deep Rest Winter Solstice Retreat ~ 3-5:30 p.m. ET, a 2.5 hour live virtual retreat experience with Renee on the Winter Solstice (includes Yoga Nidra, song and connection). Learn more/Register.
• *SAVE THE DATE* April 25, 2025 ~ The North Carolina Creativity Conference for Women ~ 9 a.m.-5 p.m. Lake Logan Conference Center, Canton, NC. Registration opens January 1st. Details Coming Soon.

Subscribe here to Live Inside Out, a weekly blog written by mindfulness coach/author/speaker and self-care evangelist Renée Peterson Trudeau. Passionate about helping men and women find balance through the art/science of self-care, Renee has been facilitating high-impact, interactive workshops for Fortune 500 companies, national nonprofits/conferences and organizations/teams worldwide for 25 years. Her work has appeared in The New York Times, Fast Company, Good Housekeeping, US News & World Report, AARP, Spirituality & Health and more. She and her team have certified more than 450 facilitators in 10 countries around the globe to lead self-renewal groups/retreats based on her pioneering self-care curriculum. She’s the author of two books on life balance including the award-winning The Mother’s Guide to Self-Renewal: How to Reclaim, Rejuvenate and Re-Balance Your Life.  She and her husband live in Western North Carolina and Austin, Texas; her latest venture is Wild Souls Nature Adventures. More on Renee here.