If it Doesn’t Flow, Let it Go!

The other day, my husband and I met with our builder about a new construction project we’ve been working on for two years. It appeared to us that things were not lining up to support our dream and we asked to pause, meet and have a heart-to-heart about the feasibility of this project. We like to practice a transparent, direct communication style and we conveyed with great sadness that we had come to the point where, “If it doesn’t flow, we’re ready to let it go.”

Taking these words in, I think we shocked our builder friend. In a culture where everyone thinks, “You just have to push harder to make it happen!” this approach can sound foreign.

“Water is fluid, soft, and yielding. But water will wear away rock, which is rigid and cannot yield. As a rule, whatever is fluid, soft, and yielding will overcome whatever is rigid and hard. This is another paradox: what is soft is strong.”― Lao Tzu

Regardless of our gender, we all possess both “yin” or feminine and “yang” or masculine energies and strengths. Yet, in our Western just do it culture where results and outcomes are so highly valued, most of us—both men and women—are out of balance. We have come to over-rely on our yang strengths. (And, there are others of us who experience the opposite and are too reliant on our yin strengths.)

The danger of this imbalance is physical and emotional exhaustion; it’s simply non-sustainable. Envision pushing a wheelbarrow full of rocks up a mountain and the long-term effect this has on your body! You risk wearing yourself out and more importantly, you miss out on the many gifts that come from accessing your highly intuitive yin talents and gifts such as collaborating with others, expanding creatively and creating space to just BE.

Both masculine and feminine energies are important. I could not have birthed my first book without tapping my yin strengths such as accessing my intuition and waiting until I was fully inspired to begin writing. Nor could it have been possible without my yang strengths—calling on the fire in my belly to execute the timeline and get the book to the publisher by the required deadlines! But real power comes when we learn how—and when—to call forth both of these strengths.

BALANCING YIN/YANG HOMEWORK: Reflect on the short list below of a few yin and yang strengths from my book Nurturing the Soul of Your Family: 10 Ways to Find Peace & Harmony In Everyday Life:
Yin/feminine characteristics: Intuitive. Receptive. Allowing. Collaborative. Relational. Being.
Yang/masculine characteristics: Directive. Goal-oriented. Assertive. Draws boundaries. Determined. Doing.

1) Observe how you feel in your body as you read first the yin list and then the yang list above, in which camp do you spend more time?

2) Make a list of some of your yin and yang strengths that have supported your personal and professional success thus far.

3) Jot down a few specific ways you could begin to allow more of your yin or yang qualities to surface (ex: carving out time to take a personal retreat or “sitting” with an idea or strategy for a week before taking action on it).

I challenge you to begin cultivating an awareness of which energy could best serve in a given situation. Whether it’s at work, in the midst of parenting, or while launching a new creative endeavor, envision yourself becoming comfortable learning to weave your yin and yang attributes together—as you feel guided moment to moment.

Some of the ways I balance my yin/yang energies are through spending time in nature, conscious movement such as Wild Souls authentic movement, yoga, creative writing, taking retreats and journaling.

As a Type A personality and the oldest of seven children, if someone would have suggested this facet of balance to me when I was in the middle of leading a press conference in my 20s—I would have thought they were crazy. Take your time and invite in curiosity and compassion as you explore this idea; maybe you’ll discover that being is just as important as doing.