The Life-Changing Skill You Can Start Today

The week before final exams my freshman year in college, my healthy, 44-year-old dad had a massive heart attack. I was devastated. But what saddens me as I look back on that rough time, is that I didn’t reach out for support. Other than sharing the news with one friend on my hall, I kept my feelings to myself, armored up my tender heart and marched straight into my exams. I think I failed all but one of my tests.

I often wish I could go back and tell my young 18-year-old self: “It’s ok, you don’t have to always hold it together. Learning to ask for help is a strength and an asset.” As the oldest of seven in a hyper-independent, achievement-oriented family, I had to work hard to cultivate this skill. It took me years to learn to embody this.

Over the last 25 years in working with organizations, teams and professionals around work-life balance, I’ve observed that people who are comfortable asking for and receiving help—whether that’s from a coach, a therapist, a mentor, professional organization, business partner, neighbor, friend or colleague—experience greater success and feel more connected and confident in all areas of their lives. Having a support system can have a huge impact on how you experience day-to-day life.

Research shows that individuals who have robust support systems:

• are more effective at work and at home (they feel as if they have a “team” behind them and that they’re not alone)
• weather personal and professional challenges more easily, are less likely to feel overwhelmed and are better at maintaining perspective
• stay healthier on all levels and keep resolutions—particularly those involving mental and physical well-being
• are less likely to feel isolated (which can lead to feelings of despair and failure) and experience less stress and burnout
• have children who are comfortable asking for and receiving support and help from others

Learning to get comfortable asking for and receiving help takes serious practice. Even though it’s difficult for most of us, it’s our innate nature to give and receive help. We are meant to experience community and connection, to lean on and into each other, not just when things get tough—but every day!

In the chapter on Building a Support Network from my life balance book, Nurturing the Soul of Your Family, I share a powerful exercise guiding you through how to build your own personal and professional support network. Try the following.

Building a Support System: A Guided Exercise ~ Close your eyes for a minute and place one hand over the center of your chest. Take a deep breath. Observe with curiosity and compassion whatever “asking for help” stirs up for you. When you’re ready, take out a notebook/pen and answer the following:

1. What would it look like to take the first steps toward allowing support into my life? Where do I most need help?
2. How would it feel to be more supported—personally and professionally—in all areas of my life?
3. How might my key relationships shift if I began to ask for and receive more support?

I challenge you this week to step out of your comfort zone and ask for help. Having a support system makes all the difference in how you experience the journey!

P.S. Love to support women, have a communications background and want to receive career mentoring from me? Check out our spring/summer internship position based in Western NC. Learn more here.

Warmly,

FOUR OPPORTUNITIES TO HELP YOU PRIORITIZE SELF-CARE: