What Do You Need This Summer (+ 9 ways to say “no”)?

Last Thursday morning after my nature-based workout, my friend Laura asked me to join her and her kids to pick strawberries. Thinking of the mountains of emails and event contracts that awaited me and before, “No, I have to get to my office,” could come out of my mouth, I paused. I’m really intent on embracing a magical, slower, more sensual summer and what better way to do this than to stroll through fragrant, bountiful strawberry bushes picking and snacking on one of the season’s most delicious gifts? The answer was, “Yes!” For me, this choice represented the summer my soul desires. What’s your intention for summer 2024?

Perhaps you’re overextended and craving unscheduled time to do nothing? Or, are you being called to learn a new skill or hobby? Or if you’re exhausted, you may need to pull out your calendar and block out periods for deep rest and relaxation in nature? We’re living in a time of the unknown and navigating a lot of chaos and uncertainty. But, that doesn’t mean our self-care has to get shelved. Pause for a moment and think about how you want to experience this summer (join me for my June 21 Summer Solstice Full Moon retreat if you’re free!).

If you’ve ever had the experience of waking up on Labor Day and realizing your summer went way too fast and was not truly replenishing, you know how key it is to enter this magical time with purpose and vision. 

One of the most popular tools from my life balance book, The Mother’s Guide to Self-Renewal: How to Reclaim, Rejuvenate and Re-Balance Your Life, is the “Nine Ways to Say No” list from my chapter on Managing Your Energy. We have a finite amount of energy. And our energy—our life force—is precious. In addition to often over-committing, most of us waste a lot of energy through overwork, endless hours on screens or engaging in activities that don’t truly feed us.

When we say “no” to the “shoulds” and those things that are non-essential—we can say “yes” to what matters most. Learning to say “no” is like weight lifting—the more you practice saying it, the stronger you become. Here’s some helpful language to support you in mastering this essential self-care skill:

Nine Creative Ways to Say No:

1. Just No: “Thanks, I’ll have to pass on that.” (Say it, then shut up.)
2. The Gracious No: “I really appreciate you asking me, but my time is already committed.”
3. The “I’m Sorry” No: “I wish I could, but it’s just not going to work right now.”
4. The “It’s Someone Else’s Decision” No: “I promised my coach (therapist, etc.) I wouldn’t take on any more projects right now.
5. The “My Family is the Reason” No: “Thanks so much for the invite, but that’s the day of my nephew’s birthday party.  
6. The “I Know Someone Else” No: “I just don’t have time right now. May I recommend someone who may be able to help you?”
7. The “I’m Already Booked” No: “I appreciate you thinking of me, but I’m afraid I’m already booked that day.”
8. The “Setting Boundaries” No: “Let me tell you what I can do …” Then limit the commitment to what will be comfortable for you.
9. The “Not No, But Not Yes” No: “Let me think about it, and I’ll get back to you.”

This summer, my theme is creative expression and I plan to go offline in July so I can deep dive into expanses of pleasureful poetry, write new and forgotten stories, dig my hands into cool clay, cook peach desserts galore and take long meandering walks in beautiful, inspiring sacred areas.

As you look at your summer months and consider a new work, family, volunteer project or commitment, before you commit, check in and ask, “What is my heart’s greatest desire this summer … and what do I most need?” Taped to my laptop is my favorite quote from German poet Goethe: “Things which matter most should never be at the mercy of things which matter least.”  

Warmly,

WANT SUPPORT FOR FINDING BALANCE? HERE ARE FOUR OPPORTUNITIES: 

• June 21st, 1-6 p.m. ~ Sun & Moon Self-Care Retreat~ A Summer Solstice, Full Moon Experience on Lake Jocassee,  SC. Join like-hearted women on the Summer Solstice (the first day of summer and a Strawberry full moon) on the gorgeous aquamarine waters of Lake Jocassee for a nature-based, self-renewal retreat. Early bird rate: $225 (then $250) Details here.
• *NEW OFFERING!* Secrets to Facilitating Life-Changing Women’s Groups/Retreats in Uncertain Times ~ the course. Are you passionate about empowering other women in your area? Would you love to lead women’s groups/retreats?  Connection = medicine. Created by Renee, this beautiful, self-paced video course–based on our wildly popular, now retired 18-year-old Facilitator Training Program–offers everything you need to start facilitating women’s circles/retreats. Download today; available 24/7. Only $195 for a limited time. Learn more.
• Wild Souls Nature Adventures (based in the Blue Ridge Mountains of Western NC): authentic movement classes, community song circles, full moon hikes, meditation workshops, women’s circles & more. New offerings listed each week; have me design a custom experience for your team/friends. Join us Sunday, May 26th for our next Wild Souls Authentic Movement near Asheville, NC.  Learn more.
• October 25 – 27th ~ Soul Tending: Cultivating Grace, Power and Intuition ~ A Women’s Self-Renewal Retreat at Kripalu Center for Yoga & Health (Berkshire Mountains, Western MA).  From stillness comes discernment. Your soul is calling, are you listening? Join me for connection, replenishing rest, divine natural foods cuisine, song/movement, restorative yoga and more. Packages start at just $635 for this soul-nurturing weekend. Learn more and register.

Subscribe here to Live Inside Out, a weekly blog written by self-care coach/author/speaker and catalyst Renée Peterson Trudeau. Passionate about helping men and women find balance through the art/science of self-care, Renee has been facilitating high-impact, interactive workshops for Fortune 500 companies, national nonprofits/conferences and organizations/teams worldwide for 25 years. Her work has appeared in The New York Times, Fast Company, Good Housekeeping, Yoga Journal, AARP Magazine, Spirituality & Health and more. She and her team have certified more than 450 facilitators in 10 countries around the globe to lead self-renewal groups/retreats based on her pioneering self-care curriculum. She’s the author of two books on life balance including the award-winning The Mother’s Guide to Self-Renewal: How to Reclaim, Rejuvenate and Re-Balance Your Life. She and her husband live in Western North Carolina and their son is a senior in college; her latest venture is Wild Souls Nature Adventures. More on Renee here.